FullMetal Instant Messaging
by she-wolf vixen
Summary: Ed discovers the world of AIM. What he doesn't know is Al, Roy, Scar, and even Envy have their own screenames.
1. FullMetal

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**FullMetal Alchemist IM'ing **by She-wolf Vixen 

**Just a note: We're assuming that the people in the world of FullMetal Alchemist know what a computer is and can use it. Enjoy the story!**

**Be sure to check out my other I'Ming stories. They're all the same concept but with different storylines and differnt shows/books/ect. **

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Edward Elric was bored. 

It had been a few days since he and Al had arrived in Central and guess who he had been so lucky to run into? Yeah, Major Armstrong. After a few bone-crushing hugs of doom, the major handed Ed over to the Colonel, Roy Mustang. The Colonel had been in a bad mood that day and Ed had immediatly struck up a yelling session with him. The debate got so heated that the two alchemists had ended up tusseling each other on the ground while Al protested loudly to his brother. The Lieutenant Hawkeye was the one who ultimately broke up the fight and the was so furious that she quickly ushered the Elric brothers out the door before turning around to berate Roy which could be heard all the way to the Fuhrer's office.

Since Mustang forgot completely what he was going to give Ed, the two brothers decided to stay at headquarters for the time being. After a while, Al stood and announced that he was going somewhere for a while leaving Ed to stretch and nap. When the gold-haired teen woke, Al still hadn't returned.

Thus, Edward Elric was bored.

As a final resort, the fullmetal alchemist turned his braided head towards the small computer off to one side. Under a slight daze, he recalled Havoc mentioning that the computer didn't do much because it had just been created by a mechanical alchemist in the area but it had some useful software installed on it. Shrugging and giving a yawn, Ed made his way over to the machine and sat down. He gave the power button a push and leaned back in his chair to watch. The screen in front of him filled with color and bleeped on. Whirring away, the screen then showed a few icons. One caught Ed's attention. The icon read "AIM". Frowning, he placed his automail arm lightly on the mouse.

"A..I...M...?" Ed read slowly. "Is that some sort of group?"

He clicked on the little red icon and immediatly, a log-in/sign-up page came up in front of him. With another shrug, Ed procceded to sign up. Most people who didn't know what was going on would have been interested by Edward's muttering as he filled out the form.

In the end, Ed managed to log in and sat staring at the blank chat box.

"Chat? What the heck is this?"

**EdoNiiSan: **UEEEEH?!? BIG BROTHER?!?

Ed blinked, "Al?"

**EdoNiiSan: **WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?

**FullMetal: **Al? You ditched me for this!?

**EdoNiiSan: **I'm sorry big brother.

**FullMetal**: What is this anyway?

**EdoNiiSan**: Well...it's for this.

**FullMetal**: What?

**EdoNiiSan**: It's just for talking long distance.

**FullMetal**: What? Did all the phones in Central break down or something?

**EdoNiiSan**: Um...you can have a conversation with more than one person.

**FullMetal**: ...this is so messed up.

**FullMetal**: How do you type anyway? You're a suit of armor.

**EdoNiiSan**: Eh...heh...

**_QueenOfAutoMail has entered the room_**

**FullMetal: **hey! wait a minute! that isn't...?

**EdoNiiSan**: Eh...yeah, that's Winry.

**QueenOfAutoMail: **Hey Alphonse...and Edward?

**FullMetal**: Yeah. You know Al...this is really creepin gme out.

**_ColonelFlame has entered the room._**

**FullMetal: **Agh!

**EdoNiiSan: **Eh..Winry, we better go.

**QueenOfAutoMail: **sigh, you guys are always rushing off somewhere, well, see ya.

**_QueenOfAutoMail has gone away._**

**ColonelFlame: **...Full metal?

**EdoNiiSan: **Eeeeek!

**FullMetal**: See ya Al.

**_FullMetal has signed off._**

Ed leaned back into his chair again. "That was weird, though maybe I'll try again tommorrow."

Yawning, Ed made his way to his bed and plopped down to take another nap.

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**So concludes chapter one. Be on the lookout for chapter two!**

**Hope you liked this so far...oh! and review please.

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	2. EdoNiiSan

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**Alright, I am currently working on about four current moving stories right now so please be patient with me. I am so sorry when I update so slowly. Plus, all the homework I get is using up a lot of my time. Darn those teachers!**

**Also, I recently found the funniest page ever in FullMetal Alchemist. Give it a click. Soooo funny. Slight spoiler, not too much. onemanga(dot com), find fullmetalalchemist, and look at chapter 70 page 7. Hilarious.**

**Full Metal Alchemist IM'ing; Chapter Two**

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"Awww, big brother..."

Edward leaned his cheek against his palm, elbow on the computer desk. "I told you Al, you're not going anywhere just so you can sneak off without me."

The dejected suit of armor hung his head, further pressing his weight into the bed.

"But Ed, I promised Winry I'd be online today."

Ed cast his eyes over his brother's disappointed metal face and sighed. Turning around to face the screen, he jabbed his shoe against the power button and watched the empty panel in front of him fill with color. Alphonse sat up and brightened. "Thanks big brother."

Ed leaned back his chair once more, it had become a habit of his.

**_FullMetal has signed on_**

**_FullMetal has entered the room_**

**FullMetal: Yo, anybody here?**

There was a small 'bashooom' and...

**_EdoNiiSan has signed on_**

**_EdoNiiSan has entered the room_**

The teen alchemist turned his head to stare at his brother who was holding a keyboard. "Huh? What's that Al?"

The suit of armor lifted its head. "I used alchemy on this spare keyboard and a wire on this computer so I can type along with you."

Ed grinned, "Hey, good thinking Al!"

**_QueenOfAutoMail has signed on_**

**_QueenOfAutoMail has entered the room_**

**QueenOfAutoMail**: Edward? Alphonse? Is that you?

**FullMetal**: Who else would it be?

**EdoNiiSan**: Hiya Winry!

**QueenOfAutoMail**: Edward, you're as rude as ever

**FullMetal**: You got a problem with that?

**EdoNiiSan**: Ed...

**_EliciaDaddy has signed on_**

**_EliciaDaddy has entered the room_**

**EliciaDaddy: **Hey, Edward, how ya doin'?

**FullMetal:** Huh? It's Hughes!

**EdoNiisan:** Er...Mr.Hughes, aren't you...

**EliciaDaddy: **Dead? Yeah, right

**FullMetal: **So where are you, typing on a computer?

**EliciaDaddy**: I'll keep this to myself for now

**QueenOfAutoMail**: Is that really you Mr. Hughes?!

**FullMetal:**Good point Winry...Is Mr. Hughes really Mr. Hughes?

**EliciaDaddy:** You don't believe me Edward? Do I have to force you to?

**FullMetal: **yeah, and how?

**EliciaDaddy: **do I have to show you a picture of my Elicia?

Ed glanced at Al who had turned his armored head toward his older brother's.

"That's Hughes all right..."

**FullMetal: **okok, just don't do that...

**EliciaDaddy: **Gotta go, now kids, be good

**QueenOfAutoMail: **Bye Mr. Hughes...

**_EliciaDaddy floated away_**

**FullMetal:** Hey! Wait a second!

**_Deadshot has signed on_**

**_ColonelFlame has signed on_**

**QueenOfAutoMail: **Bye guys...

**FullMetal:** Huh? You're leaving?

**QueenOfAutoMail: **No, but you guys have to leave when Colonel Mustang comes around right?

**EdoNiiSan: **Not really. We have a different room...

**ColonelFlame:**Hello, Riza

**Deadshot:** I don't understand why I'm here sir...

**ColonelFlame:** No need to be so familiar

**FullMetal: **Hey, Al, can they hear us talking?

**EdoNiiSan: **Well, no

**FullMetal: **Heh, a great opportunity to eavesdrop!

**EdoNiiSan:** Ed!

**QueenOfAutoMail:** Edward!!

**FullMetal: **I'm gonna hack into their room...

**QueenOfAutoMail:** EDWARD!!

**FullMetal: **Relax, Winry, they wouldn't be talking about anything important on this thing anyway...

**FullMetal:**Heh heh, got it connected, now we can see them while they can't see us!

**EdoNiiSan:** Brother!

**FullMetal:** Shush, Mustang's typing something...

**ColonelFlame:** /This portion has been blocked for the safety of this story's rating/

**QueenOfAutoMail:** OHMYAUTOMAIL!

**Deadshot:**Colonel, that was a bit inappropiate. Someone could be listening in on our conversation

**ColonelFlame:**Nah, no one would do that...Oh yeah! Hey Riza... /This portion has been blocked for bad mature content/

**Deadshot:** Well just a little I.../This portion has been blocked for the sake of poor readers/

**EdoNiiSan:**Eeehhh?! Brother, unconnect this right now!

**FullMetal:** ...what in the name of science are they saying...

**QueenOfAutoMail:** Edward, disconnect it...

**ColonelFlame:** and full metal...

**FullMetal:** Wait wait wait, he's talking about me...

**ColonelFlame:** /This portion has been blocked for the sanity of mankind for probably being the naughtiest phrase ever written about an innocent young teenage alchemist/

**_QueenOfAutoMail has signed off in panic_**

**EdoNiiSan:**HOLYCHEESE!

**EdoNiiSan has signed off**

**FullMetal: **O/O /blush/

**FullMetal has signed off**

Edward sat in the corner of the room shivering and blushing while Al hugged him and said, "It's ok, ed, it's ok..."

_He's gonna be scarred for life..._Al thought..._Now I'm actually kind of glad I don't have a body..._

**Ed: sob sob**

**Me: Ed is horrifically mortified at the moment, maybe he'll learn not to eavesdrop anymore**

**Don't forget to review, that's what keeps me going late at night (alongside the caffiene and sugar and cookies)**

**Keep a close eye on this site for the next chapter coming as soon as I can type it up**

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	3. WarriorOfIshbala

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**Phew, I should be working on my AP English assignment right now but I'm too bored. The book is horrible.**

**Here's yet another chapter of I'Ming mayhem for your reading pleasure!**

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It had been a week since Ed's traumatizing event and Al thought his older brother had learned his lesson. However, after Al had returned to the brothers' room, he found Ed sitting in fron of the computer and logging on to the IM client.

"Brother?" Al asked cautiously.

"Hey Al, "Ed replied without turning away from the screen, "I'm logging on today."

Al sat down by his own personal keyboard that Al had built into the computer. "You sure?"

"Yeah." Ed grinned at him.

"Okay, let's go!" Al exclaimed.

**_EdoNiiSan has signed on_**

**_FullMetal has signed on_**

**IheartWomen:** Hey! Edward!

**Cuddly:** Hi...

**FullMetal:** Havoc, who's Cuddly?

**IheartWomen:** Lol, that would be Fuery.

**FullMetal:** FUERY?!

**Cuddly:** Havoc signed me up...not my fault.

**FullMetal**: HAHAH OMG CUDDLY?!

**EdoNiiSan: **Hey Havoc sir, is the Colonel in a better mood today?

**_ColonelFlame has signed on_**

**IheartWomen**: Find out for yourself...

**ColonelFlame**: FullMetal...Alphonse...Havoc...

**IheartWomen**: Yo Colonel!

**FullMetal**: Mustang...

**_Deadshot has signed on_**

**Deadshot**: Good evening sir

**ColonelFlame**: Evening

**ColonelFlame**:...

**ColonelFlame**: O.o

**ColonelFlame**: Who's Cuddly?

**Cuddly**: ARGGGHHH!

**_MusclesUnited has signed on_**

**MusclesUnited**: HOHOHO SEE WHO HAS GRACED YOUR PRESENCE!! THE STRONG ARM ALCHEMIST!!

**FullMetal**: OH NO!

**MusclesUnited**: SEE THESE POWERFUL MUSCLES PULSE WITH PURE ENERGY AND POWER!!

**FullMetal**: We can't see them...idiot...

**MusclesUnited**: NO BUT YOU CAN FEEL THE AWESOME POWER OF THESE MUSCLES!!

**FullMetal**: Please shut up

**Cuddly** has gone idle

**IheartWomen**: Fuery? Fuery. Wake up...

**ColonelFlame**: O.o That's Fuery?

**FullMetal**: Sigh

**_HandOfIshbala has signed on_**

**FullMetal**: ...Hand of Ishbala?

**HandOfIshbala**: I WILL WREAK DIVINE JUDGEMENT UPON THE ENEMIES OF JUSTICE!

**EdoNiiSan**: Hey! Uh oh! BROTHER!

**FullMetal**: Don't worry, he can't hurt us from here...

**HandOfIshbala**: I SHALL GAIN REVENGE BY MEANS OF SMASHING YOUR FACES INTO YOUR KEYBOARD!!

**Deadshot**: Colonel, sir!

**MusclesUnited**: ldkfhvh lvkLEJgm hv.szh gkg jGkg gk khse:K e45

**FullMetal**: ARMSTRONG?!

**ColonelFlame**: Hawkeye, contact Central immediatly, tell them we have Scar's location

**IheartWomen**: kl ;re hvgT DJH jTH thHJELsereg kgkl gklahg gg g

**FullMetal**: HAVOV TOO?!

**Cuddly**: RGIOJTTDHL;tlk;jhkljhsh vthig KthlthTj.HTlthj

**FullMetal**: CUDDLY?! NOT CUDDLY!

**_EdoNiisan has signed off_**

**_Deadshot has signed off_**

**FullMetal**: Mustang!?

**ColonelFlame**: Get offline, hurry FullMetal!!

**_ColonelFlame has signed off_**

**_FullMetal has signed off_**

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**IheartWomen**: HAHAHAHAHAHAH! HA WE TOTALLY PWNED THEM!!

**IheartWomen**: Nice fake Fuery!

**Cuddly**: I still hate this screen name...

**MusclesUnited**: Hahahaha, I know! It was so funny!

**IheartWomen**: You did a great job too Breda, awesome Armstong imitation

**MusclesUnited**: Haha, thanks, they never even checked to see that Armstong is right in Central with the Fuhrer

**IheartWomen**: Speaking of the Fuhrer, THAT WAS AMAZING SIR!

**HandOfIshbala**: Hohoho, quite.

**_WarriorOfIshbal has signed on_**

**IheartWomen**: OK, the trick's over, Fuhrer sir. Haha

**HandOfIshbala**: That's not me...

**_Cuddly has signed off_**

**_MusclesUnited has signed off_**

**IheartWomen**: Fuhrer?

**_HandOfIshbala has signed off_**

**IheartWomen**: Craaaap.

**_IheartWomen has signed off_**

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**WarriorOfIshbal**: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

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**And so concludes chapter three. Look out for chapter four! New screen names are flowing in. Here's a preview:**

**PalmTree**

**Blackberry**

**SupersizeMe**

**and**

**EverythingIsMine**

**Can you figure them out?**


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